Six months

Monday, March 26^th marked exactly six months since I first left my home in California.  I have talked with many other volunteers about how we can’t decide if it feels like it’s been a lot longer or a lot shorter than six months, in other words, we can’t decide if the time has gone by really fast or really slow.  Each day itself can seem extremely long sometimes, and I’ll find myself thinking back on the morning wondering, wow that was really just this morning?! And then sometimes, the weekend sneaks up on you and you think, what happened to the rest of this week?

Thinking back to six months and a day ago when I was frantically finishing up my packing, trying my best to stay within the weight limit and removing all the items I thought essential to stay within that limit, that certainly seems like a lifetime ago.  Since then, I think my mom has mailed me almost everything I removed and if I could pack again, I would certainly trade out a few things with those I chose to leave behind (i.e. left those long sleeve shirts and a sweatshirt, my hair dryer, and straightener, in exchange for the non-stick frying pan and kitchen appliances that don’t melt in boiling pasta water). My family can certainly tell you, on that day, I was stressed, overwhelmed, and doubting my decision and why I was even going.

I remember my first days in Philadelphia, meeting my fellow volunteers, enjoying out last American meal, all of us totally clueless about what to expect and what we were getting ourselves in to.  To be totally honest, my very first entry in my journal is from that hotel in Philadelphia and how I doubted myself and if I was really prepared to embark on this adventure.  For instance, I’ll quote a few lines for you… “my nerves are running wild challenging me to consider whether or not I can actually do this.” “I am trying to not let my inability to really understand what to expect and that fear that comes along with that surmount any of the reasons why I did this in the first place.”  I definitely remember that night, Sept 27^th to be exact, and that feeling of complete lack of any idea what to expect, not being able to imagine what anything was going to be like.  Just before I left, many people asked questions like, will you be alone at site, what will you teach, how will you teach, what are the houses like, what will you eat, how will you cook, etc.  And more often than not, I would respond, “I don’t know, we’ll see!” because I really didn’t know anything!

And now, six months has passed and it’s crazy thinking about how much has happened; those first weeks in Namaacha, the bus ride to Namaacha looking out at the houses nerves going crazy, meeting our homestay families and not understanding a word they said, getting locked in my bedroom and my sister breaking open the door, being grossed out by that first cockroach in my room, watching my first chicken get killed, my first chapa trip and being totally overwhelmed by the number of people they can shove in there, total lack of personal space while riding on a chapa, first bucket bath…. All the way to those first days at site and feeling totally overwhelmed all over again surrounded by complete unknown and the unfamiliar, losing two amazing girls from our group, spending the holidays away from home, returning to site alone, ridiculous disorganization of the school those first few weeks, figuring out how to teach and teach in a foreign language, figuring out how to get through a day on my own!  Wow, it has certainly been a rollercoaster to say the least. 

But, I have successfully made it through six full months.  It certainly hasn’t been easy, but it has definitely been an adventure.  I have overcome the challenges and struggles tossed my way so far, I think I have grown, I have figured out how to do things on my own cuz you know what, there is no one else here who’s gonna get it done for me.  All in all, I must admit I feel comfortable here, well for the most part.  There are still those difficult days, but I know my way around the town, people recognize me and no longer just call me Ecuna (white person) but call me by name, I have witty comebacks for those occasional wedding proposals, I’m learning some of the local language, I have almost taught for an entire trimester and though my students still sometimes correct my Portuguese and gender agreement of words, I can hold my own in a Portuguese conversation, I don’t have to write out every word of my lesson beforehand and can improvise explanations on the spot during a lesson, I can even understand one of my school directors whose Portuguese mixed with mumbled speech was nearly impossible to interpret. 

I don’t intend for this post to sound like I am bragging or anything of the sort, I intend, more for myself I think, to think back on all that has happened these past six months.  I still have a ways to go to actually feel integrated here and a lot more I want to do. I still take things one day at a time, sometimes just trying to get through one moment at a time, but it’s almost a form of comfort knowing all that has already happened, and if nothing else, I have realized that, with time, you really can get used to almost anything.  I don’t really feel like I personally have changed all that much since first leaving home, but I guess I’ll leave that up to my friends and family to decide when I go back home in a few months for my sister’s wedding.  Though I definitely do appreciate all the conveniences of life back in America so much more, including grocery stores with an unbelievable variety of produce, regular electricity that doesn’t frequently go out, running water, not having to sleep with a mosquito net and worrying that it’s not all the way tucked in, shelves and cupboards, you get the point….

In just a few months, I’ll be back at home again for a few weeks (my feelings about that shall be left for another time), but until then, so much more can happen!  The first trimester is finishing up and I’ll get to experience to “joys” of giving out grades, we have a Peace Corps conference coming up, I hope to continue with my English practice club and I am hoping to get a girls’ club started soon, my director wants me to organize some students to paint a mural on the new school’s wall, and mostly I want to continue forming relationships within my community and who knows what else!  So six months down, about 20 to look forward to J